Canadazeus
male, 61 |
Renaissance Man
Rocky Mountain House / Canada
member since 07.10.2005
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Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Timothy Leary
Bachelors know more about women than married men do. If they didn't, they'd be married too.
Henry Louis Mencken
A woman, especially if she has the misfortune of knowing anything, should conceal it as well as she can.
Jane Austen
Beauty: That power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
Ambrose Bierce: The Devil's Dictionary {Life and Death}
While farmers generally allow one rooster for ten hens, ten men are scarcely sufficient to service one woman.
Giovanni Boccaccio
Men like to pursue an elusive woman like a cake of wet soap -- even men who hate baths.
Gelett Burgess
Were there no women, men might live like gods.
Thomas Dekker
Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Alexandre Dumas
There's a difference between beauty and charm. A beautiful woman is one I notice. A charming woman is one who notices me.
John Erskine
Anatomy is destiny.
Sigmund Freud
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman's birthday but never her age.
Robert Frost {Law and Politics}
Women make love for love, men make love for lust.
Derrick Harge {Love and Hate}
A man is as good as he has to be, and a woman is as bad as she dares.
Elbert Hubbard {Vice and Virtue}
A woman may very well form a friendship with a man, but for this to endure, it must be assisted by a little physical antipathy.
Friedrich Nietzsche
If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.
Aristotle Onassis
A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce.
Don Quinn {Love and Hate}
Flirting is the gentle art of making a man feel pleased with himself.
Helen Rowland {Love and Hate}
When God created two sexes, he may have been overdoing it.
Charles Merrill Smith
There are really not many jobs that actually require a penis or a vagina, and all other occupations should be open to everyone.
Gloria Steinem {Success and Failure}
Men mistake friendship, but not sex, for love; women mistake sex, but not friendship, for love.
Peter Wastholm
You come out of a woman and you spend the rest of your life trying to get back inside.
Heathcote Williams
A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't.
If the effort that went in research on the female bosom had gone into our space program, we would now be running hot dog stands on the moon.
Men who cherish for women the highest respect are seldom popular with them.
My wife says I never listen to her. At least I think that's what she says.
Nature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little.
Sex is what women have and men want.
The more I know men, the more I love my dog.
When a female has tears in her eyes the one who cannot see is the male.
Women first want to find out what is in your wallet, and second what is in your pants.
Unknown +++++++++++++++
A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.
The only question asked was:
"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?"
The survey was a huge failure,
In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant,
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant,
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant,
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant,
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant,
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant,
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant.
Just for fun: (Please ... 99.9999% of the population will not show up on these "on the street" interviews, because it just wouldn't be as funny, would it?)
http://media.putfile.com/On-The-Streets-Of-America-3
"In Christianity neither morality nor religion come into contact with reality at any point."
Friedrich Nietzsche
"Religion is something left over from the infancy of our intelligence; it will fade away as we adopt reason and science as our guidelines."
"So far as I can remember, there is not one word in the Gospels in praise of intelligence."
Bertrand Russell
Are you the weakest Link?
Below are four (4) questions.
You have to answer them instantly.
You can't take your time. Answer all of them immediately.
OK? Let's find out just how clever you really are.
Ready?
GO!!! (scroll down)
First Question: You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Answer:
If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong!
If you overtake the second person, you take his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up in the next question.
To answer the second question, don't take as much time as you took for the first question.
Second Question:
If you overtake the last person, then you are...?
Answer:
If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again.
Tell me, how is it possible to overtake the LAST person?!
You're not very good at this are you?
Third Question: Very tricky math!
Note: This must be done in your head only.
Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000. Now add 10.
What's the total?
Scroll down for answer.
Did you get 5000?
The correct answer is actually 4100.
Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!
Today is definitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right.
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono.
What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Answer: Nunu? NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary.
Read the question again.
If you got them all wrong, you ARE the WEAKEST LINK!!
GOOD-BYE!!!
Leroy is a 20 year-old 5th grader. This is Leroy's Ebonics homework assignment. He must use each vocabulary word in a sentence.
1. Hotel - I gave my girlfriend crabs, and the ho tel everybody.
2. Dictate - My girlfriend say my dictate good.
3. Catacomb - I saw Don King at da fight the other night. Man, somebody get that catacomb.
4. Foreclose - If I pay alimony today, I got no money foreclose.
5. Rectum - I had two Cadillac's, but my bitch rectum both.
6. Disappointment - My parole officer tol' me if I miss disappointment they gonna send me back to the joint.
7. Penis - I went to the doctors and he handed me a cup and said penis.
8. Israel - Tito try to sell me a Rolex. I say, "man, it look fake." He say, "Bullshit, that watch israel".
9. Undermine - There's a fine lookin' ho living in the apartment undermine.
10. Acoustic - When I was little, my uncle bought me acoustic and took me to the poolhall.
11. Iraq - When we got to the poolhall, I tol' my uncle iraq, you break.
12. Stain - My mother-in-law stopped by and I axed her, "Do you plan on stain for dinner?"
13. Income - I just got in bed wif da ho and income my wife. |
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